For The Birds
by adam-bat
Summary: Kurt finds some feathered friends and much chaos ensues
1. Default Chapter

Howdy! Adam_bat once again makes an appearance!  I know, I know, I've left my other story hanging for quite awhile.  I apologize but the next chapter is coming along and will be posted soon.  For now there is this! It's an entry into a contest on a message board, but it's also fun stuff for anyone else who wants to read it.  I hope ya'll enjoy and don't worry, work is being done on the Hijinx Revisited and even more tales are in development! So for now have fun with this, my first Evolution fic and let me know what you think.  Thanks and enjoy:

**For the Birds**

"She couldn't make muffins," Kurt complained while toiling in the woods with a shovel, "so what makes her think she can make cookies?" He flicked his tail in agitation and scooped aside another pile of dirt.  Beside him Evan stood idly watching, he shrugged and Kurt sighed, "And why do I always have to be ze guinea pig?  Ugh, I'll never look at chocolate chips the same way again."

He dug out one final scoop before stabbing the shovel into the ground and wiping his brow with the back of his hand, "I just hope these things don't find zere way back to the mansion.  With Kitty's cooking you can never tell." 

Evan laughed and handed Kurt the shoebox full of Kitty's tainted snacks.

"May we rest in peace." Kurt mumbled kneeling to place the box into the hole.

"Rrrrrrrtt." Kurt and Evan glanced at each other and then over to a set of rustling bushes. "Rrrrtttt." 

"What iz that?" Kurt stood up slowly, clutching the box and Evan drifted closer, "Kitty?" Kurt called out both hopeful and afraid.

"Rrrrrrtt.  Gwrrrrr.  Rrrrrt." The rustling grew louder and Kurt gripped Evan's shoulder, ready to teleport. The leaves parted and a small head with bulging brown eyes and a large beak poked out.  It was attached to a long curving neck that was followed by a large feathered body supported with long sturdy legs.  The bird looked down at the two, tilting its head and blinking curiously, "Rrrrrt?"

"It's a giant chicken!"  Kurt exclaimed in surprise.  Evan shrugged the blue mutants arm off and shook his head.

"No man, it's an ostrich."  Kurt stared at him blankly, "You know, an ostrich.  Big ugly bird, sticks its head in the ground, eats eggs…"

"Oh! An ostrich I remember now.  But I thought they had white heads."

"No, that's only the girls."

"That's right.  So what's it doing here?"

"How should I…"

"Rrrrrrtt." The Emu straightened its head and stepped forward. 

"Whoa…"  Kurt tensed and Evan held up his hand.

"Don't worry.  Ostriches scare easy. I'll just chase him away."  Kurt scared at him skeptically, "Just watch."

Evan held his hands up in the air, waving them and shouting, "RAAAARRRR!!!"

The bird's eyes went wide and it shrieked, throwing up its wings and kicking Evan in the chest, "Grrrawwww!!"

"RRRR…oof!" Evan fell backwards and the Emu shook its head and body in rage.

"GRAWWWW!!!"

"Run!!!"  Evan screamed and jumped up.  Kurt gasped and ran after Evan, the Emu giving chase.  

Kurt clutched the shoe box to his chest as he scampered away, casting quick glances over his shoulder and yanking his tail away from the bird's snapping beak.  "Yikes!"  He hopped clear and continued to run.  

The two were just coming in sight of the clearing where the mansion stood when the bushes in front of them began to shake.  "Rrrrrttt." Kurt and Evan pulled up short just as three more birds emerged from the brush.  

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" They backed away quickly and remembered the other bird.  It snapped at Evan, pulling a clump of hair free before the boy could duck away.  

"Ouch…oh man this is bad."

"You think?  We're going to be killed by giant chickens!"  Kurt exclaimed.  The first bird stepped forward, eyes blazing angrily and beak clicking.  "Get back!" Kurt yelled and threw the box at the bird.  It smacked the creature in the face and the contents spilled out over the ground.

"GRAWWWW….rrrrttt?" It shrieked and then stopped, bending its neck down to examine the spilled cookies.  "Rrrrttt."

The other birds came in and sniffed at the baked goods as well.  The lead bird carefully picked up one cookie, holding it with the edge of his beak before turning his head up and gulping the food down.  "Rrrrtt!"  The other birds clucked and began picking up the cookies as well.

"Wow…that vas close."  Kurt whispered as he watched the giant birds eat.  The birds quickly gobbled up the cookies and looked up at the two mutants, "Nice birdies…" Kurt smiled uneasily and Evan began inching away.

"Rrrrrt." The first bird stepped forward, long neck and small head bobbing as it walked.  Kurt pressed close against a tree, flinching away from the animal, "Culllll." The bird cooed and gently rubbed against Kurt.

"Vhat?" Kurt looked down in surprise.  The other birds approached and did the same, "They're so cute." Kurt smiled and Evan's eyes went wide.

"Are you kidding?! Those things just tried to kill us." 

"They didn't mean it, see?" Kurt petted one and it purred in response, "They're terrific.  I wonder where they came from, poor things." 

Evan shook his head, "Your nuts.  You just wait; they'll turn on you in a second."

Kurt looked back at his friend, "No they won't.  They were just hungry, and scared.  We have to help them find their home.  They obviously don't belong here."

"No way man." Evan shook his head and turned to walk away, "Their just a few steps ahead of Jurassic Park, I ain't getting involved." He waved Kurt off and headed back towards the mansion.

"Fine then," Kurt pouted and then smiled at the birds, "I'll help you little guys.  For now, you can stay at the mansion.  I'll put you in the garage and no one will ever know." He left the woods for the mansion, the birds close behind.


	2. Brother's birds

**Brother's Birds**

"Come on guys hurry up, I got something to show you!" Quicksilver called, impatiently tapping his foot.  He stood in front of the door to the brotherhoods house, hand on the knob and ready while around the house the other members took their time coming.  Blob was polishing off a sandwich, Lance was trying to pry himself away from the TV set and Toad was stalking a fly in the hallway.  

"OOOHH!" Quicksilver groaned and dashed off.  He raced around the house, stuffing the sandwich into Blob's mouth, shutting off and unplugging the TV and snatching Toad's tongue mid-flick.  "Let's go!" he yelled and everyone grumbled and complained but came trudging to the door.

"What is it Pietro?" Lance asked, folding his arms across his chest.  

"This better be good." Blob growled.

"Ya man, I stalin." Toad mumbled, struggling to pull his tongue free from Pietro's grip.  

Pietro rolled his eyes and let the tongue go to snap back into Toad's mouth with a disgusting 'Spluch'.  "Oh it is." He smiled and went for the door again, "I just figured a way to make us very rich."

"Rich?" Lance raised an eyebrow.

"You mean rich as in having money, and food, and…stuff." Toad cheered after pulling his tongue back in.

"Well why didn't ya say so before?" Blob grinned, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Quicksilver only smiled again and Lance held out his hands, "Well?  What's the plan?"

"Glad you asked." Quicksilver pulled open the door to reveal several large crates standing on the lawn.  "Voila, instant cash.  Pretty cool huh?" He dashed out the door and stood proudly before one of the boxes.

"Yeah!" Toad cheered, jumping on top of a crate, "But uh…what's in em?"

"Emu's" Quicksilver answered and the others stared at him.

"E what?" Lance tilted his head.

"Emu's" Quicksilver repeated, "Giant birds man.  They're the wave of the future." He held his hand up and waved it across the sky as if to clear a path, "We'll make a fortune."

"Birds?" Blob shook his head, "What are we gonna do with birds."

"Eat em' ya dope." Toad said as he struggled to lift the top off one of the crates.

"No you idiot." Pietro ran up and shoved him off the top of the crate. "We raise em, you know farm.  Their real easy to take care of and by next year will all be millionaires!"

"Where'd you get these things anyways?"

"The internet." 

Lance stood thinking it over and eyeing the four crates, "Easy huh?  Well it can't be to hard…and we really could use the money."

"Course it's easy, I mean how dumb are birds?" Quicksilver pointed out and Lance nodded.

"Alright, well let's see em." Pietro nodded and raced into the house and back out carrying a crowbar.

He shoved the metal under the lid of the first crate and pried it up.  The crate fell apart and straw spilled out on the ground.  He looked at the mess and frowned.

"Well where are they?" Toad asked, picking up a piece of straw and rolling it in his fingers.

"I…I don't know."

Lance growled and pointed to the rest of the crates, "Blob open em'"

Blob nodded and headed for the crates, pulling them apart with his bare hands.  Toad followed behind him, "Nope, Nope…"

"And this one's empty too." Blob turned and held up his hands to Lance.  Lance glared at Quicksilver.

"So…where are they?!"  

Quicksilver held his hands up and shook his head, "I don't know, they were supposed to be in there."  Lance clenched his fist, the ground trembling slightly.  Toad gulped and then turned to Quicksilver, eyes lit dimly with thought.

"Hey man…how much did you get them for?"

"Well…it was a deal.  We were gonna be rich man…"

"How much?" Lance narrowed his eyes at him.

"Real cheap man, as far as Emu's go…"

"How much?" Blob cracked his knuckles.

"The last of what we had, and what I made selling some of your alls stuff." Quicksilver squeaked.

"WHAT?!" The others exclaimed and he sped off as the ground rumbled.

"Look we'll find them," Quicksilver assured his friends as they walked through the woods.  An hour had passed and the speedster had finally been wrangled and after much pleading and negotiations with the others he had wheedled his way out of a beating and convinced them to look for the birds. 

The group wandered through the woods, searching in bushed, in trees and under rocks.

"Maybe they flew away." Toad suggested.

"Emu's don't fly." Lance grumbled back to him, watching Blob lift a boulder.

"EMUUU!!" Blob yelled then set the rock down and turned to look elsewhere.

"Maybe they migrated." Toad bounced along, scanning the area and putting his hand to his eyes for effect.

"It's not winter." Lance growled.  Blob pried open a dead log.

"EMUUU!!" 

"Maybe the boxes were empty ya know.  How do we tell if they were even in there?"

"Because of all the poop!" Lance yelled while whacking Blob in the back of the head, "How's an Emu gonna get in a log? Or under a rock? Would you guys think?!" 

Blob rubbed his head and glared at Lance, "Look Lance, I don't know nothin bout no stupid birds so don't get mad at me."

"Yeah, me neither," Toad piped in, jumping onto Blob's shoulders, "It's all Pietro's fault."

"Yeah, it's his fault." The two pointed at the streak that raced by.  Quicksilver stopped and stared.

"Hey guys, come on." He smiled, "Let's not go there right now.  The point is to find them remember?"

"We better find them soon Pietro." Lance said, turning away from Blob and Toad to face Quicksilver, "Otherwise things are gonna start shaking." The ground trembled lightly for affect and Quicksilver nodded.

"Alright, alright.  Look I found some tracks over here."  He pointed, "We'll get em' back, no sweat."

Lance rolled his eyes and followed in the direction Pietro pointed. 


	3. Bad Birdies!

**Bad Birdies! **

Kurt pressed down on the button and the garage door lowered into place, concealing him and the Emu's inside.  "There you go; you'll be nice and safe in here." He pet one of the birds and it cooed.  "I'll go get you some more food.  Just stay put and don't make any noise."  He smiled at the birds and teleported to the kitchen.

"Let's see…" Kurt began searching in cupboards and examining packages, "What can I give them?"  He went to the refrigerator and opened the door.  He searched inside, his tail sticking out from the door and swishing behind him, "Lettuce?  Milk?  Maybe some baloney…"  

Kitty walked into the kitchen carrying a pan of rejected cookies.  "A lot they know, humph.  There's nothing wrong with these, where's Kurt?" Kurt heard his name from inside the fridge and stiffened.  Kitty caught site of his tail and smiled, "Oooohh Kurrrtt." 

Kurt sighed and pulled out from the fridge, "Oh hey Kitty."  He waved at her and shuffled his feet, "What's up?"

"I've got some more cookies I want you to try out." She showed him the pan and smiled sweetly. Kurt suppressed a groan and then brightened.

"Sure Kitty, I'll try a few." He reached out and snagged a cookie, taking a bite and then stopping.  He nearly gagged but held it and continued to chew, "These are great…better than your last batch." He swallowed hard and continued to swallow.

"Really?" Kitty beamed, "I thought I might have put a little to much salt, and maybe to much baking powder, and it coulda used a little more sugar…"

"No, they're perfect," Kurt began grabbing the cookies off the tray, "Can I have some more?" He stuffed the cookies into the crook of his arm and Kitty stared at him stunned.

"Sure, however many you want."

Kurt nodded and grabbed more.  He left one cookie on the tray and stood contemplating it, then snatched it too, "Thanks Kitty, let me know if you make anymore." 

Kitty nodded and he teleported away.  She looked down at the empty tray and turned back to the door yelling out as she phased through it, "See, at least SOMEONE appreciates a good cook." 

Kurt appeared in the garage again and began coughing.  He dropped the cookies into a pile on the hood of Scott's car and began rubbing his tongue off with his hands, "YUCK! That vas terrible!" He spit a couple times and shook his head, "I hope you all appreciate this." He looked up to see the Emu's gathered around and eyeing the stack of cookies.  "Here, you can have them." He stepped aside and the Emu's began to eat.  

Kurt stepped back and leaned against the wall, "I vonder where you all came from." He pondered the thought a moment and glanced down at his watch.  "Well sorry guys, but I have a Danger Room session, I'll be back though.  Stay here and behave." He watched them eat a few minutes longer then bamfed away. 

An hour later and Kurt returned, dragging his legs and tail tiredly, "Man, vhat a workout." He slumped against a car, head drooping and eyes cast to the floor.  "Logan is so evil, and Scott too.  Sometimes I just vant to…" his eyes drifted up and his voice left him.  He looked around the room in horror.  Feathers fluttered in the air, scratches decorated all of the vehicles and white splotches that shamed a pigeons were everywhere on everything.  "VHAT HAPPENED?!" he screamed and the Emu's happily approached him.  "Oh no, oh no, oh no…" Kurt began to mutter, looking from the dirty X-van to the ruined red convertible.  Then he saw Logan's bike and nearly fated, "I'm so dead…" He sank to his knees and one of the birds lowered its head and began preening Kurt's hair.  Kurt lightly pushed him away and paused, hearing noises on the other side of the garage door.  Muffled sounds that he vaguely made out to be Scott's and Jean's.  He stood up quickly, searching around the room in a panic and looking at the birds.  The garage began to rumble open and he reached out, grabbing two of the birds and bamfing away.  Just as daylight began to shine in under the door Kurt returned and disappeared with the last two birds. 

He took the birds to Kitty and Rogue's room, the first place that came to mind and cringed when he heard Scott's scream from below.  He left the birds there a moment and ported off again to create an alibi.  As soon as he was gone the Emu's began poking around and scratching at the various objects in the room. 


	4. Battle for the Birds

**Battle**** for the Birds**

"Well look at that." Lance grumbled as the group stepped out into the clearing and saw where the tracks led.  

"It's those X-losers again!" Toad yelled.

"Well let's go get em' back!" Blob slammed his fist into his open hand and Toad and Pietro nodded.  Lance glared at the house and began walking.

"Let's go."  The others smiled and followed.

Kurt popped into his room and jumped when he heard a knock on the door, "Kurt? Are you in there?"  Kitty's voice called from outside.

"Uh…jah, I'm in here." He squeaked then cleared his throat, "Come on in."

Kitty opened the door quickly, "Did you hear? The garage is like totally trashed!  Birds or something got in and Scott is totally freaking out.  It's a good thing Logan's out right now, but wait till he sees his bike.  Wow…you okay Kurt." Kurt stared strait ahead and was breathing hard.  Kitty waved her hand in front of his face but he didn't blink. "Kurt?" She reached out and grabbed his shoulder.  Kurt jumped and grabbed her.

"Kitty you have to help me!!!" Kurt pleaded and Kitty yelped in surprise, "It vas the Emu's I swear!"  

"Emu's? What are you talking about?" 

"I found them in the woods, and put them in the garage.  They vanted your cookies…and and…Logan's going to kill me!" 

"Okay okay, just calm down.  We'll figure this out…just hang on."

"You're really going to help me?" Kurt smiled.

"Of course," she held her hand up and recited, "I am not of that feather, to shake off my friend when he must need me." She smiled and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Very funny."

She quirked her nose and grinned, "I thought so.  So like, where are they now?"

"Well there…"

"KURT!!!" Kitty screamed and the Emu's all began to ruffle their feathers in startled fright.

"Kitty, you're scaring them." 

"LOOK AT MY ROOM!"  Kurt looked and rubbed his neck.

"It doesn't look that bad you know…"

"THERE'S FEATHERS AND EMU POOP EVERYWHERE!!" 

"Yeah…that's true but…"

"X-MEN PLEASE REPORT TO THE FOYER IMMEDIATELY!" Professor Xavier's voice echoed in the two's minds and Kitty glared at Kurt. He shrugged and teleported.  Kitty looked at the birds, threw her hands up and phased through the ground. 

"What's going on Professor?" Kurt asked timidly.  Xavier wheeled around to face him and nodded towards the door.

"The brotherhood boys are heading up the walkway now, I'm not sure of their intentions but they're all very angry about something." 

"I bet they did it!" Scott yelled, stepping towards the door, "They ruined my car!" 

"Scott, let's not jump to conclusions." Xavier gently chided as the door swung open.

"Where are our Emu's at?!" Lance yelled as the others stood behind him glaring.

"See Professor, it was them!" Scott shouted and his hand went to the rims of his glasses, "You guys are gonna pay for that!"

"Pay for what?" Pietro zipped to the front, "It's you X-twerps who took off with our cash cow."

"I thought you said they were birds," Blob said in confusion.

"They are birds you idiot," Lance growled, "and you guys took em."

"Did not!" Jean defended.

"Did so!" Toad accused.

"Did not."

"Did so!"

"Did NOT!" Jean shouted.

"Did SO!" Lance joined in and the room shook.  The edges of Scotts visor began to glow.  Kurt worried his lower lip and looked from one side to the other.  He turned to Evan who shrugged then looked at Kitty.  She nudged him and he gulped.

"Hey guys…" 

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Kurt's confession was interrupted by a high pitched scream followed by a loud ruckus up above.  A door slammed and booming steps came down the stairs.

"WHAT HAPPENED TA MAH ROOM?!!!" Rogue screamed as she descended the staircase, clothed in a polka dotted dress. "WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?!" 

The crowd down below looked from one to the other and Kitty was the first to speak.

"Rogue, that's like…my dress."

"Ah know!" Rogue held out part of the frock, "Those stupid birds ate everythin else ah had while I was in the shower!"

"Birds?! See you did take our Emu's!" Lance shoved his finger at Scott.

"What? We don't know what you're talking about; you put those things here to mess with us!" 

"No we…"

"Guys, wait.  I can explain!" Kurt stepped forward holding up his hands.  The group turned to look at him and he smiled uneasily, "I found them…in ze woods.  I didn't know where they belonged so I brought them here. I put them in the garage…"

"What?!" Scott gasped.

"And then in Kitty and Rogue's room…"

"WHAT!" Rogue shouted and turned to look at Kitty, expecting to find her equally as startled.  Kitty smiled then snapped.

"Oh...What?!" She laughed lightly and rubbed her arm.  Rogue glared at her then turned it back towards Kurt.

"I'm really sorry.  But I vas just worried about them, they're really nice and I didn't want to leave them out there."

The Professor folded his hands underneath his chin and thought a moment.  The two teams eased up a bit, forgetting their anger at each other to focus most of it on Kurt.  The Professor sensed and saw this and lifted his hand, holding it towards Kurt, "Well it seems Kurt was indeed responsible for all this commotion today, but he did not do any of it intentionally.  I suspect that he will be willing to work to repair the damages," he tilted his head to Kurt who nodded, "and since it's been determined where the birds belong, they shall be returned to the Brotherhood.  Pending an affirmation on their part that will ensure the proper care for the birds?" The brotherhood nodded and Lance spoke for them.

"Of course they'll be taken care of; those dumb birds are the only money we got left right now."  Xavier nodded and settled his arms back onto the rests of his chair.  

"Then that settles it.  Kurt, would you get the Emu's please?"  

Kurt nodded and fished around in his pocket, pulling out his half eaten cookie from earlier, "Hey guys! I have a cookie!"  There were thumps and scraping and suddenly the flock of giant birds raced down the stairs.  They pushed past the others to get to Kurt and one bumped into Scott, causing him to topple over.  Kurt crushed up the cookie and fed the pieces to the birds.  Then he dusted his hands off and led one the birds to the Brotherhood, "Here you go, zere all yours." 

"So that's an Emu." Blob said in wonder.  The others sighed and shook their heads.

"Come on guys," Lance placed his hand on the back of one of the birds, leading him out, "Let's get these things home."

They all left with the birds and the X-men began drifting away as well, leaving Kurt and the Professor.  "So Kurt, I trust you'll get to cleaning out the garage and room soon?"

"Yes Professor." Kurt nodded and began heading off.  

"Oh, and Kurt," Xavier called after him and he paused, "I suggest you hurry.  Logan should be back soon in the Blackbird.  It won't take him long to discover his motorcycle."

Kurt's eyes went wide and he disappeared in a cloud.  

And there ya have it, my first Evo fic! Hope ya'll enjoyed it and don't worry, I'm working on the other now, and it should be up soon.  This one had a deadline and hopefully I made it! Whether I did or not, let me know what ya think and whether you want to hear from me, adam_bat, again. 


End file.
